thoughts to ponder… really ponder
called to what?
we are all called for something. sabi nga nila, you have a mission in this world and until then that you haven’t fulfilled it you will still be living in the surface of the earth to carry it out. the hanging question is…. what are you called for?
i don’t know why am i thinking about this again. again because it entered my mind before (when i was still young and when i was still studying in highschool). but it never crossed my mind again until lately. i don’t why but i’ve been thinking that there is something. or maybe it was just my interpretation (again, if i misinterpreted things, then there is something wrong with me).
a good friend told me she had two options, it’s either she get married by 25 or try the religious life by 24. she chose the second one. as for me, since i’m still quite young, tataningan ko rin sarili ko: by 28 years old (after i repaid everyone who have helped me), if i won’t be married, i’ll try to be part of a religious congregation. so that leaves me with six years to feed the desires of my parents and relatives.
but the question that im posting myself right now is whether i am called or not. sr. nata said it’s difficult to know. so the challenge right now is to dig deeper and search wider. i mean, maybe i’m not called to the religious life but i can still live a life worthy and mimics the religious life but not really living out the motto: chastity, poverty and obedience. maybe the third one, yes, but the first one is a huge question mark if you are already married or soon to get married.
the question of if you are called is a difficult question to answer. accordingly, (ayan nagresearch ako… hehe) you may get out of the convent prior the first profession (after postulancy for the nuns). there are a number of nuns or priests who leave the convent not because they are not called and not because it is God’s plans… but maybe because God wants them to be strong or there is another life for them. looking deeper, maybe it’s just the idea of MANY ARE CALLED BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN.
but the first dilemma is to know whether you are called. leaving everything, practically everything, will be the second challenge. and the hardest is whether you are one of god’s chosen army.
embattled by many thoughts and the different circumstances that surrounds me, the question regarding calling is still in a monkey in my back. the struggle to satisfy my loved ones by attending and providing their dreams still continue to be my priority as of now. or maybe not. i’m giving myself enough time. enough time to fulfill their dreams, to help them accept my plan and to trod the road less traveled.
my plan: hopefully, i will be able to provide or at least suffice the needs of my family by 26 years old. if not, i’m giving myself two more years leeway. then after that, i’ll join the missionary servants of the holy spirit (why? because for ten years, i lived my life under the tutelage of these nuns and yes two of my close friends in grad school are nuns - one is a ssps missionary and the other is a jmj - jesus, mary, and joseph missionary… both are indons). but before i could do that… i need all the prayers that i could get. what kind? just pray something about enlightenment… about acceptance and about wisdom. the road to a life less taken or lived starts now… by knowing and reconnecting.
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