chaze’s CRIB

This should just be the same old typical day I usually have. It turned out that it was one of those days that you wish could be the turning point of your life. Something like you have the power to choose whether to take the road less traveled or stick with the bandwagon and your dear life is dependent on whatever decision you make. Of course, America saw this day as the day of redemption because of Obama’s inauguration. My brother saw this day as a super special day as he celebrated his natal day. Me? The unexpected things transpired, and (hell yeah) they ain’t good which led to another sans essence day (and a freaky worthless blog).

I’m like a walking zombie for the past few days. No sleep, stressed out and a lot of things to do and to ponder. But I must say that my sanity is, still, okay. Still possess the cognitive skills to think critically and discern. Although there were moments (which happens to be most of the time) that my eyes will shut (in the elevator and lrt) I know I’m still physically, mentally and emotionally able to do what I gotta do in my maximum potential.

This is how I try to live each day. I try to rise from my messy bed and gallantly take the challenge of the day even if I know I’m not fully “equipped”. I want to open my eyes to see the people I love the most, to hear their deep voices, to dream and make it come true. Go to work. Work my a** off for people who seem to be just after the cash and for the clientele who don’t seem to care. By evening, i got to drag myself in a freezer like room to listen and assume a student role. Hours before midnight, gotta pull myself up and do whatever I have to do as a preparation for the following day.

Doing the same things over and over again will drain you. It is already routinary and there will come a time that it will make you so sick that you wish it was just a bad dream. The worst part of the routine is when people add up to the stress that you are experiencing. People pressuring you, people who try to “bring out the best” in you but what happens is opposite. Its good that you have a number of friends who are willing to waste their precious time just to listen to your soliloquies and grunts.

Today, I’m pushed to the limit. Early morning, my tears already fell. I can’t exactly pinpoint the reason why tears started to fall. Then my ever compassionate and kind superior started her litany as if praying for the souls in the purgatory. It was her fault not mine, and yet I took all the blame. If she was just doing her work, then the mishap wouldn’t happen. This is not the first time it happened, and usually when it happens I don’t care. I just try to get over it. But falling for the same mistake all over again is ain’t cool and slowly taking all the pride left in you. I’m just so pissed off her.

Do you know the feeling when you want to strangle a person because that person is a pain in your ass? That’s what I felt awhile ago. She wants me to make decisions abruptly… to think that I’m in the comforts of my house and just woke up! She wants me save her from the misery and rants of a lot of people who were obviously in the losing end of the whole deal. To compensate her mistakes, she became super mad at me.

Honestly, I’m numb already. Why? Because I see no meaning anymore and maybe it’s just that it’s too much and too hot to handle.

Luckily I got some good friends who pacified me and tried to bring me back to my old self. Try to look for a sense of purpose. To relax and let it pass. I did… it passed. A little phone call here, a little conversation there, and a little good left in me. It’s over. I forgive, but I don’t forget. That being stated, numerous questions linger in my head right now. And I hope to find the answers soon. I wish to push as far as I could go, but everything has its own limitation. So, let’s see what happens next.

I wish that people change their attitudes. They should be more inclined in doing what is good and not merely doing what they think will give them greater benefits in expense of others. I think this one experience just shows how the typical homosapien who is pushed to the walls and how he or she responded to it. Are you going to be eaten by your anger (just like what happened to me… obviously it didn’t last too long) or would you rather have an open mind approach and see it as a reaction of someone who is also stressed out like you? Would you rather give up or keep on fighting? Would you allow yourself be dwarfed by your anger or be courageous enough to let your cool head prevail?

I strongly suggest that we avoid being too emotional and try to look things objectively. How our actions will affect ourselves and the people surrounding us (which I eventually realized after all that I said and screamed). I ended up losing (big time) but just like what Obama holds for USA, there is a bright future ahead and I won’t let all the dilemmas or even the stress source people decelerate my rally towards my ultimate goal. As popular as it may seem,
“Yes, I can…”

This entry was posted on Friday, January 23rd, 2009 at 1:32 am and is filed under misfit mischief. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.