chaze’s CRIB

what is the difference between “i can’t live without you” and “I’m happy even if I’m single“? the state of euphoria and optimism that accompanies it. the first is more of desperation and the other is filled with hope.

Hope…

A lot of people don’t know where to find it. Sometimes, they don’t even know what it means. I find hope elusive and intriguing. Elusive because even if I always say I’m hopeful I can’t seem to get what I hoped for even if it took me a lot of hard work. Intriguing because while others are already hopeless, the thing that will bring them to life came speedily. I wonder, should I be hopeless too? Should I even be desperate?

Nope. i wouldn’t do that. Not now, not tomorrow…. never.

I’d rather be desperately hopeful than not hoping at all. I’d rather be living in my make-shift world than trying to dwell in some one’s world of I don’t know.

It takes courage for someone to believe that there is hope amidst all the pains and sufferings that he’s been through. And for that matter, I find hope elusive. People are hurt not only once or twice. We are hurt every now and then. By whom? By almost everyone especially the people we love. Are we hopeful? No. But we try to remain faithful to what we believe in but we are not hoping for something that will erase the hurt that chains us.

We don’t want other people to take part of our pain. We just want a certain person to wash it away. The unfortunate part is that person doesn’t want to admit that he is what you want.

Hopelessness… Desperation….Pain…. Solace…

They always go together and whatever happens, they can never be apart. If it takes time to heal, what does it take for someone to be hopeful? Find peace? Find happiness?

I’m a single soul… no glittering wrappers and nothing to be proud of. I am embedded in a dark furious melee of what my heart screams and my mind dictates. I don’t want responsibilities and I hate myself for being such a sucker. I try to remain hopeful amidst everything. But until when can I hold on to that slim thread of hope to keep myself afloat before I completely drown to the portals of hatred and anguish? Never would I want to let go… but I know one way or another the time will come that I’ll get tired of holding on. I hope that by that time comes, I’m not solitary anymore. If I find myself alone, I might lose not only my sanity but myself completely.

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