chaze’s CRIB

thoughts to ponder… really ponder

called to what?

we are all called for something. sabi nga nila, you have a mission in this world and until then that you haven’t fulfilled it you will still be living in the surface of the earth to carry it out. the hanging question is…. what are you called for?

i don’t know why am i thinking about this again. again because it entered my mind before (when i was still young and when i was still studying in highschool). but it never crossed my mind again until lately. i don’t why but i’ve been thinking that there is something. or maybe it was just my interpretation (again, if i misinterpreted things, then there is something wrong with me).

a good friend told me she had two options, it’s either she get married by 25 or try the religious life by 24. she chose the second one. as for me, since i’m still quite young, tataningan ko rin sarili ko: by 28 years old (after i repaid everyone who have helped me), if i won’t be married, i’ll try to be part of a religious congregation. so that leaves me with six years to feed the desires of my parents and relatives.
but the question that im posting myself right now is whether i am called or not. sr. nata said it’s difficult to know. so the challenge right now is to dig deeper and search wider. i mean, maybe i’m not called to the religious life but i can still live a life worthy and mimics the religious life but not really living out the motto: chastity, poverty and obedience. maybe the third one, yes, but the first one is a huge question mark if you are already married or soon to get married.

the question of if you are called is a difficult question to answer. accordingly, (ayan nagresearch ako… hehe) you may get out of the convent prior the first profession (after postulancy for the nuns). there are a number of nuns or priests who leave the convent not because they are not called and not because it is God’s plans… but maybe because God wants them to be strong or there is another life for them. looking deeper, maybe it’s just the idea of MANY ARE CALLED BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN.

but the first dilemma is to know whether you are called. leaving everything, practically everything, will be the second challenge. and the hardest is whether you are one of god’s chosen army.
embattled by many thoughts and the different circumstances that surrounds me, the question regarding calling is still in a monkey in my back. the struggle to satisfy my loved ones by attending and providing their dreams still continue to be my priority as of now. or maybe not. i’m giving myself enough time. enough time to fulfill their dreams, to help them accept my plan and to trod the road less traveled.

my plan: hopefully, i will be able to provide or at least suffice the needs of my family by 26 years old. if not, i’m giving myself two more years leeway. then after that, i’ll join the missionary servants of the holy spirit (why? because for ten years, i lived my life under the tutelage of these nuns and yes two of my close friends in grad school are nuns - one is a ssps missionary and the other is a jmj - jesus, mary, and joseph missionary… both are indons). but before i could do that… i need all the prayers that i could get. what kind? just pray something about enlightenment… about acceptance and about wisdom. the road to a life less taken or lived starts now… by knowing and reconnecting.

Being enrolled in a Clinical Teaching class just to be a better and effective teacher, we usually talk about our experiences both as a student (before) and as a clinical instructor (now). It’s nice to look back and reflect what you were and you’ve become.

In a student/ teacher’s lives, they say (and I agree) that there are only two types of people who will stuck in your head and heart forever.I agree…. I strongly agree. A word will describe these types of people – EXTREMES. For a student to remember his or her teacher, the teacher must either be the super cool one or the super strict one. For a teacher to remember a student, he or she must be the most plus positive adjective or most plus negative adjective.

True enough, that’s how things fare regarding memory game.Can you blame me, I’ve had a lot of mentors – tough cookies, spongy mamons, a not so good tasting iced tea, a sour peach – name it, I almost encountered them all. The teachers that stick to my head and whose voices still continue to reverberate even in the middle of my sleep and in the innermost being are those strict (super strict in fact)teachers I had. The terrorist kind of stuff.

The terrorist type of teacher is your worst nightmare. The person who will bombard you with a lot of paperworks and series of exams and a lot of grilling time in class. Terrorists teachers are those mentors who will terrify you and make you work hard for every breathing second of your period. They will make surethat you will study hard every night in order for you to survive their class.

The super cool teachers are those who you will make an instant connection with. They are those who are considered effective teachers but they don’t do it by terrorizing their students. They will make you feelyou are capable of excelling and able to reach greater heights. They just keep on pushing the right buttons.

But frankly speaking, these two types of mentors are the most effective ones. Realizing that the terrorist ones are just simply preparing you to be more responsible in life which is… likened to a battle. The sad part is that we only acknowledge their effectiveness after the whole session with them is over. Something like, “Ah this is what Professor Terorista was saying… Thank God for Him/her”. The super cool ones are doing just that, but the thing is that they appear more effective simply because we enjoy their style and we acknowledge their effectiveness as soon as they touch our lives.

I just realized it when our professor started naming names and then realized that her beloved teachers were the strict ones. I can’t help but smile… we have the same type of teachers who are so exceptionally special.

Dr. Elisea Dela Cruz or popularly known as Ma’am DC had that unconventional teaching style and yet super effective (for me). She looked like she was sleeping but she is wide awake. I was seated near her, at the back…. And I always wonder why she grills her students with their research. Luckily, she just made me a better student. I have to stay late at night just to study her no nonsense topics … and mind you, it’s just research! The walking encyclopedia Randelle Ian Sasa. He was, the usual nerd professor – wearing those thick eyeglasses and sporting the checkered polo. He just turns me upside down and after 3 non-stop hours of lectures regarding Medical-Surgical Nursing, my head just bleeds continuously. I’ll die of hemorrhage. But he was one professor who told me that I am (was) excellent both in co- curricular and in the class. He just…. Well… simply amazes me. The diminutive but strong lady Prof. Melanie Tapnio. One of the best in terms of cool and discussion. Hmmm…. Maternal and Child health will never be the same without her. I just realized….” Sayang, Labor and delivery lang ang topic niya sa amin. Astig sana kung buong MCH ay sa kanya…”.

Who else? Of course I have to attribute my college success to my foundation years mentors.

When you talk about highschool, one name will equate to it. Mrs. Divina Dimal. Wow. That hardvoiced and hard nosed kind of coordinator. She made my knees buckle during the first few days. But she was… one heck and a good one. “ Science and Math are just the same. It can’t be possible that you are good in science and not in math. Learn to love math.” She said that. I realized she’s right. The only difference between Math and Science is that Science has more terminologies and more definitions than Math. But they both deal with logical reasoning. Question? Did I do good in my Math Subjects after that? Well, I survived Trigonometry and Math III. I survived Math IV (don’t know if it was Calculus or some sort. I don’t know) and Physics. So, maybe I did well.

Elementary … these are the primary years of life. The formative years. The ever great my ever favorite teacher: Ms. Corazon de Guzman. She’s the reason why I learned to speak and write English. It was a sweaty and a bloody school year with her. But don’t get me wrong. She just pulled a thinking human in me. She’s the first one who took time to inculcate in my head to love English and how to live life.

Actually, they all taught me how to live life and not merely encapsulate me in the world of theories, of books, and of experiments. Life is a battlefield and it takes a courageous and a well-defined person to make it through. I’ll never ever forget and I’ll always be thankful not only to the mentors mentioned but to everyone who made me who I am now. Again, not perfect (not even close to perfection) but a better person than before.

What’s the best teaching style or strategy? There’s no specific best style. Just make sure that you balance everything and meet halfway. Who knows? Mixing it up would be the best style. Anyway, what matters is the end result.

This should just be the same old typical day I usually have. It turned out that it was one of those days that you wish could be the turning point of your life. Something like you have the power to choose whether to take the road less traveled or stick with the bandwagon and your dear life is dependent on whatever decision you make. Of course, America saw this day as the day of redemption because of Obama’s inauguration. My brother saw this day as a super special day as he celebrated his natal day. Me? The unexpected things transpired, and (hell yeah) they ain’t good which led to another sans essence day (and a freaky worthless blog).

I’m like a walking zombie for the past few days. No sleep, stressed out and a lot of things to do and to ponder. But I must say that my sanity is, still, okay. Still possess the cognitive skills to think critically and discern. Although there were moments (which happens to be most of the time) that my eyes will shut (in the elevator and lrt) I know I’m still physically, mentally and emotionally able to do what I gotta do in my maximum potential.

This is how I try to live each day. I try to rise from my messy bed and gallantly take the challenge of the day even if I know I’m not fully “equipped”. I want to open my eyes to see the people I love the most, to hear their deep voices, to dream and make it come true. Go to work. Work my a** off for people who seem to be just after the cash and for the clientele who don’t seem to care. By evening, i got to drag myself in a freezer like room to listen and assume a student role. Hours before midnight, gotta pull myself up and do whatever I have to do as a preparation for the following day.

Doing the same things over and over again will drain you. It is already routinary and there will come a time that it will make you so sick that you wish it was just a bad dream. The worst part of the routine is when people add up to the stress that you are experiencing. People pressuring you, people who try to “bring out the best” in you but what happens is opposite. Its good that you have a number of friends who are willing to waste their precious time just to listen to your soliloquies and grunts.

Today, I’m pushed to the limit. Early morning, my tears already fell. I can’t exactly pinpoint the reason why tears started to fall. Then my ever compassionate and kind superior started her litany as if praying for the souls in the purgatory. It was her fault not mine, and yet I took all the blame. If she was just doing her work, then the mishap wouldn’t happen. This is not the first time it happened, and usually when it happens I don’t care. I just try to get over it. But falling for the same mistake all over again is ain’t cool and slowly taking all the pride left in you. I’m just so pissed off her.

Do you know the feeling when you want to strangle a person because that person is a pain in your ass? That’s what I felt awhile ago. She wants me to make decisions abruptly… to think that I’m in the comforts of my house and just woke up! She wants me save her from the misery and rants of a lot of people who were obviously in the losing end of the whole deal. To compensate her mistakes, she became super mad at me.

Honestly, I’m numb already. Why? Because I see no meaning anymore and maybe it’s just that it’s too much and too hot to handle.

Luckily I got some good friends who pacified me and tried to bring me back to my old self. Try to look for a sense of purpose. To relax and let it pass. I did… it passed. A little phone call here, a little conversation there, and a little good left in me. It’s over. I forgive, but I don’t forget. That being stated, numerous questions linger in my head right now. And I hope to find the answers soon. I wish to push as far as I could go, but everything has its own limitation. So, let’s see what happens next.

I wish that people change their attitudes. They should be more inclined in doing what is good and not merely doing what they think will give them greater benefits in expense of others. I think this one experience just shows how the typical homosapien who is pushed to the walls and how he or she responded to it. Are you going to be eaten by your anger (just like what happened to me… obviously it didn’t last too long) or would you rather have an open mind approach and see it as a reaction of someone who is also stressed out like you? Would you rather give up or keep on fighting? Would you allow yourself be dwarfed by your anger or be courageous enough to let your cool head prevail?

I strongly suggest that we avoid being too emotional and try to look things objectively. How our actions will affect ourselves and the people surrounding us (which I eventually realized after all that I said and screamed). I ended up losing (big time) but just like what Obama holds for USA, there is a bright future ahead and I won’t let all the dilemmas or even the stress source people decelerate my rally towards my ultimate goal. As popular as it may seem,
“Yes, I can…”

Isang katangian ng mga Pilipino ang madasalin at pagpapahalaga sa kulturang kinalakhan. Minsan, ang mga nanampalataya ay may mga natatanging debosyon na nagpapatingkad ng tradisyong Pilipino. Ngunit, paano mo masasabi na ang nangyayari ay parte pa rin ng debosyon o nagiging panatiko na ang deboto? Ano ang linyang naghahati sa pagitan ng matinding debosyon at sa panatisismo?

Isa ako sa milyun-milyong taong nakiisa sa kapistahan ng Nuestro Padre Jesus Nazareno nung nakaraang araw. Isa ako asa mga taong naniniwala sa kapangyarihan ng Poon…. Ng mismong Panginoong Diyos. Isa ako sa libo-libong taong nakikipagsiksikan sa Basilika kapag Biyernes para makimisa. Sa totoo lang, di ako sagradong deboto. Ngunit hangga’t kakayanin, pinipilit kong pumunta sa Kanya tuwing Biyernes. ‘Di rin ako nagnonobena tulad ng iba. Wala rin akong litrato ng Itim na Poon. Ngunit malalim ang pagtingin ko sa Kanya.

Kahit na halos anim na taon na ako ditto sa Maynila at kung tutuusin ay ilang lakaran lang ay ang Basilika na, nagkaroon lang ako ng debosyon sa kanya dalawang taon na ang nakakaraan. Nakakatawa na nagpunta lang ako sa Kanya noong malapit na akong matapos sa aking pagaaral. Noong panahong medyo malabo ang buhay. Noong panahong nanganganib ang aking mahal na lolo kasabay ng paghagupit ng katakot-takot na presyur ng nalalapit na eksaminasyon. Dininig niya ang dasal ko. Simula noon, pinilit kong makinig at makiisa sa mga misa kapag Biyernes. Bagamat minsan hindi ako nakakapunta, alam ko, malakas ako sa Kanya kahit papano. Nandyan lagi siya.

Kaya sa kaunaunahang pagkakataon, nakilahok ako. Bagamat hindi ko pinilit na mahawakan ang karo o naglakad ng nakayapak o kahit ang lubid o pumila ng magdamag upang makahalik sa Poon, isang tagumpay na na maituturing ang makisama sa pambungad na misa.

Masarap sa pakiramdam na makita ang Poon. Makinig sa homily ng Arsobispo. Ngunit, ang misang yun din ang nagukit ng tanong sa akin isip. Ang pagiging deboto ba ay nakikita lamang sa paglakad ng nakayapak o di kaya’y nakasuot ng dilaw at maroon na damit o di kaya’y pinipilit na makipagsiksikan para makalapit sa Poon kahit na kasalukuyang ginaganap ang misa?

Hindi kanais-nais ang naranasan ko. Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng dagat ng tao sa Luneta. Napapaligiran ako ng mga deboto, mga nananalangin at mga tindero ng kung ano-anong gamit at pagkain. Mahirap makinig ng misa kung halos ang mga katabi mong deboto ay parang nasa perya. Naninigarilyo, nagtatawanan, naghaharutan habang nagmimisa. Meron din namang mga tinder na nakikitang nakikinig ka ay pilit kang binebentahan ng panyo at kandila. Marami pa rin namang taong pilit nakikinig sa misa. Ngunit, mas marami ang mga taong atat na matapos ang misa upang maumpisahan ang prusisyon.

Tinapos lang namin ang misa. Lumakad na ang prusisyon. Tanaw na tanaw ang karo pero ang Poon, halos hindi na makita sa sobrang daming Hijos na nakadilaw na nakasakay sa karo. Suwerte na rin naming na nakita naming ang mukha ng Poon bago pa man ito pagpiyestahan ng milyun-milyong tao.

Nakakalungkot na minsan, ang tradisyon at debosyon sa Poong Nazareno ay nababalutan ng maraming nasasaktan. Marahil dahil na rin sa sobrang daming tao na pilit inaabot ang Poon. Ito ang nakikita kong baluktot. Ang debosyon sa Nazareno ay nagiging debosyon na lang sa kahoy o ivory na pinuprusisyon. Maraming tao ang pilit na umaakyat para makahalik. Maraming tao ang pilit hahawak sa lubid. Walang masama dun; ngunit kung ito ang dahilan kung bakit nagkakasakitan na, hindi na ito maganda.

Umasa akong dadaan ang prusisyon sa Avenida. Ngunit di ito nangyari dahil pinilit inilihis ng mga deboto ang ruta ng prusisyon. Ang resulta? Mas maraming nasaktan, masa matagal bago naibalik sa kanyan bahay ang Poon.

Ganito ba ang tunay na debosyon at pananampalataya. Bagamat pista ng Quiapo at oo, sa Quiapo lang dapat idaan ang Poon, mas pinili ng mga deboto na ibahin ang ruta at ibalik sa kinagawian. Sa ganitong pananaw, tama ba na ang ganoon ang nangyari? Ganun ba dapat ang debosyon?

Sa aking pananaw, nababalutan ng pagiging deboto sa estatwa ng Itim na Nazareno at hindi sa Poong hindi nakikita. Dahil sa dami ng iba’t-ibang pamahiin at maling gawain, nagiging deboto tayo sa estatwa na lang. O di kaya’y panatiko sa estatwa.

Malamang, hindi nais ng Panginoon na mabalot tayo ng ideya na ang estatwa na Itim na Poon ang nakakagaling at nakakatupad ng mga dasal. Ang nasa langit na Diyos ang siyang dumidinig dito. Bagamat isang simbolo ang Poon na Itim at oo tunay ngang milagroso siya, di lang dapat sa prusisyon ng Poon tayo nakikiisa. Hindi dapat tayo nababalot ng ideya na ang mahawakan ang Poon ay kaligtasan na lalo na’t nakakasakit tayo ng kapwa.

Aminado ang Simbahan, dapat ituwid ang maling paniniwala. Ngunit paano kung ang tradisyong ito ay daandaang taon nang ginagawa? Paano ililigtas ng Simbahan ang mga deboto sa bunganga ng panatisismo?

Hindi kaya’t ang unang dapat gawin ng kahit sinong deboto ay taimtim na magdasal. Makisalo sa hapagkainan ng Maykapal sa pamamagitan ng misa. Sumunod sa alituntunin ng mga nasa katungkulan. Isipin ang iba bago ang sarili.

Mahirap. Mukang mas mahirap maging deboto sa tamang paraan kaysa makipagsiksikan sa karagatan ng taong sumasabay sa Poong bitbit ang kanyang krus.

Since the Advent season is fast approaching (as in its here in a matter of 5 days), I can officially declare the Yuletide season is in the air. Therefore I could re-create, re-cycle and announce my wish list. I’ll be glad to receive any of the following, before, during , after Christmas.

1. Jacket with FEU or UST print at the back
( I’m dying to buy this pero laging napupurnada yung pambili. Kaya naghihintay na lang ako ng magbibigay. Kung FEU, yung green ang color. Kapag UST, kahit black or yellow ayos lang. Size? Large. )
2. Parker pen or sign pen with my name engraved in it.
( I can buy it. In fact, bibili ako ng 3 niyan for some of my dear mentors. So, I can’t buy one for myself. It would be better for someone to give me. Para mas cute and mas senti.)
3. Earphones for my cellphone. Original Sony Ericsson headphones for my W200
4. Twilight movie passes….
5. Timezone card!!!!
6. 2 Dozens of Krispy Kremes Doughnuts (Original Glazed)
7. Original DVD copies of a Walk to Remember and or Pretty Woman
8. Original CD of Gary Valenciano Greatest Hits….
9. Cellphone casing
10. NBA Live 2009
11. Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake

Ambitious Wishlist
Super dooper ambisyosa kaya malamang kailangan ng maraming dasal at datung para magkatotoo ito…

1. Macbook or any laptop!!!
Kahit ano basta pwedeng magtype, magsave at magbrowse.
2. Camera
Professional (Canon EOS), Lomography, kahit pinakamurang ordinary digital camera
3. Cybershot + Sony Walkman phone
I don’t know kung meron ng ganito ang model ng sony ericsson. hehe
4. Peace on Earth
Ito, di nabibili pero kahit ito lang ang mangyari, SUPER AYOS NA ANG EXISTENCE KO

Not so Ambitious List But Still Too Hard To Materialize
It would be a cool thing for these things to happen. Imagine it. haha

1. Dinner with Boss
2. Family bonding with the P’s
3. Booze party!!! Ngunit dahil di ako umiinom, sagot ko ang kwento.

Ayos, maghihintay ako kung sino ang mag-gragrant nito… hehe

what is the difference between “i can’t live without you” and “I’m happy even if I’m single“? the state of euphoria and optimism that accompanies it. the first is more of desperation and the other is filled with hope.

Hope…

A lot of people don’t know where to find it. Sometimes, they don’t even know what it means. I find hope elusive and intriguing. Elusive because even if I always say I’m hopeful I can’t seem to get what I hoped for even if it took me a lot of hard work. Intriguing because while others are already hopeless, the thing that will bring them to life came speedily. I wonder, should I be hopeless too? Should I even be desperate?

Nope. i wouldn’t do that. Not now, not tomorrow…. never.

I’d rather be desperately hopeful than not hoping at all. I’d rather be living in my make-shift world than trying to dwell in some one’s world of I don’t know.

It takes courage for someone to believe that there is hope amidst all the pains and sufferings that he’s been through. And for that matter, I find hope elusive. People are hurt not only once or twice. We are hurt every now and then. By whom? By almost everyone especially the people we love. Are we hopeful? No. But we try to remain faithful to what we believe in but we are not hoping for something that will erase the hurt that chains us.

We don’t want other people to take part of our pain. We just want a certain person to wash it away. The unfortunate part is that person doesn’t want to admit that he is what you want.

Hopelessness… Desperation….Pain…. Solace…

They always go together and whatever happens, they can never be apart. If it takes time to heal, what does it take for someone to be hopeful? Find peace? Find happiness?

I’m a single soul… no glittering wrappers and nothing to be proud of. I am embedded in a dark furious melee of what my heart screams and my mind dictates. I don’t want responsibilities and I hate myself for being such a sucker. I try to remain hopeful amidst everything. But until when can I hold on to that slim thread of hope to keep myself afloat before I completely drown to the portals of hatred and anguish? Never would I want to let go… but I know one way or another the time will come that I’ll get tired of holding on. I hope that by that time comes, I’m not solitary anymore. If I find myself alone, I might lose not only my sanity but myself completely.

if i have a power… one kind of power… i would choose to be a person who can time travel. not that i’m not happy with how my life is going on but i just want to fix some things. things that probably could spell a difference in my lucid life.

i would go back last week. i would erase the time when i read all the messages that i wrote five years ago. i would delete everything. i wouldn’t enrolled in the unlimited service of the telecom that i have. i wouldn’t be jumping to conclusions and impulsive…. i wouldn’t say i love you. i wouldn’t say i can’t live without you…. and lastly…. i WOULDN’T CALL THAT PERSON JUST TO HEAR THE WORDS LET’S JUST BE FRIENDS.

or better yet…. i’ll go back five years ago.

i’ll be better. i’d like everything to be erased. i want that person completely out of my system. i don’t want to remember. i don’t want to feel. i don’t want to fall… and lastly, i don’t want to cry anymore….

or ………

should i just be a little bit thinking this thing wouldn’t happen at all.

i should’ve just saved my face and the little dignity and sensibility i have. i should’ve just let go of the facts and all…. i should’ve just………. LET GO….

and right now….

the only thing left for me is to succumb to the pain without anyone comforting me….

i resist… i don’t want any endearments. it sucks… it’s not worth it….

i don’t want to do it again. and i don’t want to fall for that again….

i’m going on… im moving on….

pain is there and healing is a must……

living is good, by dying is better….

san beda red lions ended their 28 year oddysey of
title drought yesterday. it was a masterful melee
for the camps of philippine christian university
dolphins and red lions that was almost decided by
a last shot. damn… watching the whole araneta
was great. just seeing 3/4 of araneta all in RED.

i just hope mr. anton montinola saw the game
yesterday. maybe he was in tears (of anguish)
after the victory ride given to former feu mentor
banal. i just hope the consequences and all the
ideas of the decision of letting banal go came
crashing into him or betteryet… slapping him.

now, let go of the banal - montinola case that
happened a year ago. let’s focus on one thing….
the disbandment.

damn. that move is the worst thing that a manager
or anybody could do just because they weren’t
included in the final four. it wasn’t only the
coaches’ fault or the players’ fault. it’s a
team’s fault. now, if montinola thinks that the
best thing that he can do to save his sagging face
is to disband the team, THINK AGAIN!

how would the people (feu community) will respond
to that? think again! you’ve been slapped with a
championship of the lions, and slapped with the
first ever champions that didn’t make it to the
final four. don’t let another insult to be added
in that long list.

CONGRATULATIONS TO SAN BEDA!
THEY ENDED 28 @ 82!
CONGRATS TO ALJAMAL
COACH BANAL
AND EKWE!

congrats to UST for making it to the Finals.
again, UE was booted out from the Finals even
though they have twice to beat advantage! looks
like USTE will march with a crown this year.

just like what happened in 2002…. when ateneo
erased the Warriors from the picture and won the
title over the archers to end their 16 years of
title drought.

uhmmm. will the tigers end 10 years of
championship drought?

three in the afternoon

three hours ago, i just got up from bed with my head aching and my mind swirling. i did’t see this coming. or maybe im just dumbfounded not to see it coming. what went wrong. man, this isn’t good at all.
school quite sucks. i’m under the most hated professors in IN and DepComm. Yeap, hated because they are one of the most strict professors in this side of the planet. ncm will always be a big consumer of my time. but i’m afraid that research and speech will also be the same. not to mention the advocate.
the advocate. man, this is killing me. killing me because of pressure and stress. i need to beat my deadline on monday. i have to or else my credibility will be doomed. i know i could make it if only all the articles are all in. but it isn’t. the fact is, i still lack eight major articles. take note eight. what’s disappointing is that all 8 are assignments of only one person. but the most frustrating part is that the same person is the one i expected to take charge as i become busy this coming school year. frustrating isn’t it. frustrating it is.
frustrating. my love life and social life is goin to a bay. thanks to the hectic schedule.

life is tougher than i expected. worse than i thought it is. i’ve learned a lot from this experience. LIFE IS NOT WHAT YOU EXPECT AND PLANNED TO BE. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS NOT TO EXPECT ANYTHING AND DON’T PLAN AT ALL. BECAUSE IT’S FRUSTRATING TO END UP FAILING…